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Modern Heights

1. What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip
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2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
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3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.




DOES THE MANAGEMENT KNOW WHO YOU ARE???

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly asked him, "how much do u earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, but he replied, none the less, "i earn US$500.00 a month, sir. Why?" without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed US$ 1,500.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "around here i pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months salary, now GET OUT and dont come back" the young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "and that applies for everybody in this company!" he approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "who's the young man that i just fired?" to which an amazing reply came of, "he was the pizza delivery guy, sir!"




KIDS' LOGIC

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."




Some Important Laws

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE : When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS : The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Pay Raise

The Maid asked for a pay raise. Madam was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'

Maria: 'Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: The Master said so.
Madam: Oh.
Maria: The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Madam: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?
Maria: The Master did. Madam
Maria: My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.
Madam (very upset now): Did the Master say so as well?
Maria: No Madam, the chauffeur did.

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE




Arrested for laughing

This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing.... ......... ......She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed... ......! !!!!!!!




Wedding Ceremony

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.'

Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.' The whole audience including priest started laughing....

But not the poor groom!




       

 


                           

 

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