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New Alphabet - 2007

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I' d rather it be low,
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low,
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow,
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X- ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have -- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!




Good One to Laugh

1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC

7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR. 8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.




Innocent's letter

A Nun asked her class to write notes to God. Here are some they handed in:

1)Dear God :
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

2)Dear God:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You keep the ones You already have?

3)Dear God :
Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.

4)Dear God:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

5)Dear God :
I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.

6)Dear God:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

7)Dear God :
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

8)Dear God:
Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

9)Dear God:
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

10)Dear God:
Who draws the lines around the countries?

11)Dear God :
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

12)Dear God:
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.

13)Dear God:
Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

14)Dear God:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

15)Dear God:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

16)Dear God:
You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

18)Dear God :
I think about You sometimes, even when I'm not praying.

19)Dear God:
Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best.

20)Dear God :
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?

21)Dear God:
I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

22)Dear God :
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.




       

 


                           

 

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